By Joshua Arnold

     The glow of the sun through the curtains is beautiful, and there probably isn't a cloud in the sky. It should be a good day for burning Zozobra. Adelie was up late last night, and hasn't come down from her room yet. She spent last night trying to remember all the gloomy events of the past year. She wrote them down on twenty pieces of notebook paper, and used both sides.

     Adelie says Zozobra is a Spanish name that means ‘The Gloomy One.' They construct an effigy of him in Santa Fe and burn it every year. After tonight everyone's gloom will be cleared away, burned up along with the huge wooden effigy. I've never actually seen the festival, but I'd like to go see it sometime.

     "She's awake. I heard the bedroom door slam."
     "Do you think she'll polish us?"
     "Fork, she's polished us every day for the past four years. Of course she'll polish us, but she'll polish me first."
     "She's only saving the best for last. Everyone knows a fork is better than a spoon. She picks me up and spends five minutes polishing my handle. It's very sensual. She strokes each of my prongs with a soft cloth, and it feels exactly like heaven."
     "Maybe and whatever, but I have better contours. Everyone likes a spoon. People use me to eat sweet things like ice cream."
     "Spoon, are they gonna burn that monster today?"
     "That's what Adelie said, but how should I know? I don't know anything but what she tells me."
     "Here she is."
     "Good morning, Spoon. How are we today, Mr. Fork? I got some special silver-polish at the store yesterday, so you're really going to shine. I need to run you through the dishwasher first though."
     "Whatever it takes to look our best for you, my dear."
     "Adelie, is Coyote coming to visit today?"
     "I don't know, Spoon. I think he was going hunting today."
     "Adelie, do you love Coyote?"
     "He's my spiritual guide, Spoon. He's a kindred spirit."
     "I think he's good for you. I think you need someone besides us."
     "You don't think anything, you're a hunk of metal."
     "So are you, Fork. I don't want to hear another word from either of you, not a single one. I'm taking you to the dishwasher now."

* * * * * * * *

     Both Fork and I hate the dishwasher. It's hot, and the jets of water really hurt. They tickle at the same time though, so I guess it's cool if you're a masochist. Imagine thirty minutes of blinding hot soapy water getting sprayed in your face. Add a few whips and chains, and a fetishist would have a real kink-fest.

     "Ouch. Ouch. Oooouch!" I hate the first cycle the most. Dishwasher soap really stings. "Damnit Fork, does she have to wash us every day? I've never even been dirty before. I've never even been inside her mouth. Have you?"
     "You know I haven't. That'd be the day."
     "I can see it now. I've got a big scoop of triple-chocolate-fudge ice cream on top of me. She raises me slowly to her mouth, and I can feel her tongue all around me. She licks me clean, and I can hear her sigh. Mmmmmnnnn."
     "Cool it, Mr. Spoon. You shouldn't fantasize about something you can never have. It's not good for you."
     "Why not? Dreams make the world go ‘round, especially if you're a spoon."
     "Whatever."
     "Ouch! Hmnnn…oh yes, I love the way that feels. Harder baby, yes, faster, hotter, oh right there. Now! You know what I like. Hotter! Whip me good!"

* * * * * * * *

     We're sitting on the kitchen counter, waiting for Adelie to polish us. I hear a howl at the door, and I know Coyote is here. He comes nearly every day and takes Adelie to the volcanoes. Adelie tells me about it sometimes. They climb into the crater, and then peel away the sky and replace it with a cactus flower.

     "Hey guys, Coyote decided to drop by. He brought us a rabbit for dinner!"
     "Lovely. What's up, Coyote?"
     "Grrr. Been working a lot lately, Fork. Lots of people need my help this time of year. Grrr. They start reflecting about all the bad stuff they've done. Grrr. I just did a spiritual quest for La Llorena. She's feeling depressed about being depressed. Hhhhhaaag. I thought she liked it."
     "Does she still wander through the forest at night?"
     "Grrr. Yes. Grrr. Grrrrrllll. Hhhhhaaag. No one believes she exists anymore. She's fading away, like every other local legend. Grrr. Ten years from now, there won't be anything left but corporate fairy tales."
     "La Llorena used to cry outside my window when I was a little girl. I thought it was beautiful. There's nothing more beautiful than the sound of her wailing. It's absolutely peaceful."
     "Grrr. Adelie, are you going to the burning? Grrrl. Hhhhhaaag. I thought I might go with you. I have some gloom of my own, and I like your company. Grrrl."
     "Yes, Coyote, it's a date. Stop by at around six. I thought I might bring Spoon and Fork along too."
     "Grrr. Sure. Grrrl."

     Silence. Everyone's expecting someone else to speak, but no one does. I feel the tension all around me, little microwaves of it radiating outward. In fact, I think it's attracted to my silver handle. "Adelie, I've never seen the sky before."
     "The sky's a forbidden pleasure, but you can enjoy it tonight, Spoon. New Mexico has the best sky in the world, so you're in luck. It's exquisite."
     "Grrr. I love the stars. Grrrl. We could watch the meteor shower later tonight. Hhhhhaaag. I know a good place in the mountains. Lots of rabbits."
     "That sounds nice, Coyote. My Dad used to take me meteor watching. We'd get two blankets, a pile of chocolate-chip cookies, and go lie on the driveway in the middle of the night. After he was gone, I used to do it by myself. But I haven't done it in years."
     "Grrr. Do you have to work on Monday?"
     "No, we can stay out all night and be together. It wouldn't matter even if I did have to work. All I do is bake pies. They leave me alone in the bakery, and I don't talk to anyone. I just bake pies."
     "Retch. Hack. Hack. Retch. Cough. Ahem. Just kidding. But I'm pretty jealous of you Coyote. You're going on a date with my dream woman."
     "That's sweet, Fork. But don't worry; I want both you and Spoon there with us. We've never been outside together, so this'll be extra-special."

* * * * * * * *

     I've had a crush on Candlestick ever since I first saw her standing above me with flaming hair. She's absolutely beautiful, and I love to touch her cream-white skin. Every now and then, I just can't help but peel off a small piece of wax. In fact, I think she actually likes it. She just laughs and says it tickles.

     "You and Candle make an elegant couple, Spoon. Who taught you to waltz?"
     "Candle's leading. The basic step isn't hard. Spinning is a bit more difficult, but Candle's a good leader."
     "Thanks, Spoon. You're a real gentleman."
     "Only for you, Candle."
     "Umph. Watch out Spoon! You'll trip me…"

     Candle falls off the table, and I watch her hit the carpet with a soft thud. A piece of dried wax comes flying off her head.

     "What're you guys doing down there? Spoon?"
     "Nothing, Adelie."
     "Spoon and Candlestick were waltzing. Except Spoon managed to trip Candle, and she fell off the table."
     "Are you ok down there, Candle?"
     "I…I think I might have broken something, Adelie."
     "Let me know if it's anything bad. I'm trying to get ready for tonight, and I don't need any more stress."
     "Sorry, Adelie. It was my fault, and we'll be more careful. Make yourself beautiful! Candle, can you climb back up here by yourself?"
     "I think so. I'm ok, thanks for asking. I'll be there in a minute, Spoon."
     "I need to use you to reach the phone. I want to call my mother in Singapore."
     "You don't have a mother, stupid. You were made by a machine, not by two spoon lovers."
     "I'm kidding, Fork. I did have a mother, but she was trampled by a psychotic rhinoceros. She was on safari in the Serengeti."
     "Spoon, you're the biggest liar I ever met."
     "Sometimes. Hurry up, Candle. I want to call and see what time it is. Then I'll call the Albuquerque Journal, and tell them about Adelie's plans for Las Fiestas tonight. She wrote a list of everything gloomy that's happened to her this year. Then she made a list for the delivery boy too. In fact, she made a list for everyone she knows, including us…"
     "I'm here, Spoon. Climb up, and you can reach the receiver. Hurry up though, I'm sore from your mistake."

* * * * * * * *

     We're on our way to Las Fiestas de Santa Fe, but Fork and I are in Adelie's pocket and can't see anything. Her thighs are moving back and forth, and this is the closest we've ever been to her. I can tell fork is enjoying this by the glimmer in his prongs, and I must admit that it turns me on too. Maybe someday she'll use us to eat something. I'd settle for orange marmalade or even Spam, anything that'd get me inside her mouth…

     "Grrrl. That's quite a stack of papers. Hhhhhaaag."
     "There are a lot of gloomy things to burn away. I made a list of everything."
     "Let me see it. Grrr."
     "Sure, but be careful not to lose any of the pages."
     "Grrr. Mrs. Robinson: received traffic ticket, 4:02 PM 5/6. Dr. Leary: cheated on wife, 3:21 PM 7/4. Spoon: knocked Candle off table, 5:06 PM today. Me: Looked at self in mirror and saw thighs were too fat, 5:04 PM every day. Hhhhhaaag. You made a master-list of everything gloomy?"
     "Yes. It took me all night, and I'm sure I didn't remember everything."

     I hear a rough voice, a voice that sounds like a chainsaw running out of gas. It comes from somewhere off to the right, and I don't recognize it. "Hey baby, what're you doing out here by yourself? A lovely little piece of work like you? You're too lovely to be alone."
     "Don't listen to him, Adelie. I see his life all around him, both the future and the past. He's more lonely than you are, and doesn't know it yet."
     "I won't, dear. Spoon, Fork, we're here!"

     Adelie reaches into her pocket, and takes us out into the open. I can see Zozobra in front of us, a huge monstrous figure rising toward the sky. The sky. It's a beautiful mixture of blood red and dark purple. There are a few clouds floating across the colors, suspended between them.

     "It shouldn't be long now. Actually, look! They're lighting his big toe on fire."
     "Grrr. His face looks like a rabbit head with big red lips. Grrrl. Rabbit."

     It looks as though Adelie is trying to swallow her lips. She holds Fork and I above her head, and starts to spin around. Things blend together, and the flames start to grow. They spread from Zozobra's feet to his legs, and then up his chest toward his head.

     "It's truly beautiful, don't you think so Fork?"
     "Yes, Adelie. I like the way the fire reflects off my handle. It's a nice evening to burn someone."
     "Coyote, I'm going to toss these papers into the fire now. When I get back, I want to leave. I'll cook that rabbit you caught for dinner, and then we'll go and watch the meteor shower."
     "Grrrl. Yes."
     "Coyote?"
     "What is it? Hhhhhaaag."
     "I want to marry you. I mean would you marry me? Of all the people on this earth, you're closest to my soul. It sounds a little abrupt I know, but it isn't. I've wanted this forever."
     "Grrr. This hasn't been done before. Grrrl. Hhhhhaaag. But yes, I'll marry your soul. Grrr."
     "Tomorrow we'll go to Las Vegas and get married in a drive-thru wedding chapel. Fork and Spoon will be the witnesses."
     "Hhhhhaaag. I know a preacher in the desert."
     "That'd be beautiful, Coyote. I mean, truly beautiful. Better than Las Vegas."
     "Yes. Grrr. The preacher is a rattlesnake, so there won't be a church. Grrrl."
     "I love you, and it doesn't matter. Afterwards we'll go honeymooning in Yellowstone, and you can take me on a spiritual quest."