"I don't think that's right."
"…?"
"Because, it's not right to deceive someone. It's even worse to base your entire relationship with that person on deceit."
"…"
"Right. I feel that way sometimes, too. But I would never go to such extremes to impress somebody. Part of it was pure manipulation. She definitely made him into a pawn, but there was more to it than that. I think she really wanted him to like her."
"…!"
"Given that situation, I might. Nevertheless, you always have to consider the consequences. Take you and James for example. I know you love him. Would you lie to him about where you worked? Where you live? Even about your hobbies?"
"…"
"Yeah, I know. I'm not sure I agree that makeup and hair dye are a form of deceit. Sure, they change the way you look. Sometimes enhance the way you look. But would you really be a different person if you didn't wear makeup or color your hair? I think people sometimes use those things to create an idealized self. Nothing but an image. It vanishes when you get to know them."
"…"
"That's an interesting point. I'm not sure which one is the real me. I do behave differently around different people. But there's still some continuity. I still like the same things and live in the same place. I'm not usually lying, per se, just expressing a different version of myself. What she did is completely different. Speaking of which, have you seen Amber lately?"
"…"
"I need to talk to her about this again, but I'm pretty much dreading it. I'm glad to hear she's doing ok. I was afraid she had descended into the shit-hole of depression. I know that's a terrible thing…I was pretty depressed last spring. I thought I had permanently damaged myself with those prescription drugs. It's horrible. Nothing matters, and the problem is that you want it to. You remember how it was before, and you realize how shitty it is now. But you can't get back to the way it was before. Or at least you don't know how."
"…?"
"Well, eventually the problem went away. I didn't have any control over it or anything. If it hadn't gone away, I'd probably still be depressed. It's not the first time it's happened, and probably won't be the last."
[Silence]
"…"
"Yes, I would definitely classify it as rape. Not rape in the classical sense of the word, but still rape. If a person creates a lie of themselves, and then uses that lie to get into your pants, that's still rape. You agree to have sex with a person, and then find out that person doesn't exist. You were raped by the person who does exist, the person who created the lie. Rape doesn't have to be sexual, either. If I take something away from you, something that is cardinally important, then I've raped you."
"…"
"The difference is, Amber is depressed because her lie got destroyed. What was his name? Was it Tony?"
"…"
"Yeah, well, Tony has a more legitimate reason to be depressed. He got raped, or at least I think he did. I don't know the guy, or I'd be over at his place talking to him. Maybe I should anyway. He loved something, some lie-of-a-girl that didn't really exist. At least, it doesn't anymore. I suppose it can't, really."
"…?"
"I dated her for about six months. I think she aged me by about six years. Until recently, we haven't talked about anything really substantial. 'Hi, how are you? I dyed my hair black, with a single streak of purple. You should come over and check it out.' I don't know if it's just our relationship, but she seems pretty much incapable of getting beyond superficiality."
[Silence]

* * * * * * * *

"First you draw the main line. Draw it up from the bottom, at a slight angle. Then you start on the spirals at the top. Watch out, because the lines cross in a couple of places."
"…?"
"Yeah, you've got to anticipate where the line is going next, although sometimes that's pretty hard. Once you finish the spirals, start on the squares at the bottom. Those might be a little easier, but there are some pretty weird angles. Don't worry about using a straight edge. Just draw it."
"…"
"Sure. There you go."
"…"
"I've been in this class before. Yeah, I like to think of myself as an artist, but sometimes I really don't feel like one. I work forever on something, let it sit for a couple of days, and then finally realize how much it stinks. What really matters is how I feel about my work. Sure, comments and stuff from other people help develop that feeling, but they aren't really important to me. I draw for myself, and sometimes that limits my audience."
"…"
"Yeah, definitely. It's good to have something to distract yourself from the rest of life. I work in the payroll department of an insurance agency, and we're pretty understaffed. I get dumped on all the time. I wish my professional life would just stop, straighten itself out, and then start up again. While everything was stopped, there wouldn't be anything, and I could just draw."
"…"
"Cool, I don't know anything about fashion. I like to experiment with clothing, but I wouldn't know where to begin if I actually had to invent new styles. I admire that; to do it well it must take a real understanding of the people you cater to."
"…?"
"Yeah, that would be cool. We should definitely get together. Give me a call sometime later this week. I think I'll be free on Saturday."
"…"

* * * * * * * *

"I want to show you something. Here, take a look at this dress, and let me know what you think."
"…"
"Thanks. I spent a long time trying to work the physics of it out. I wanted to reveal as much of the shoulder blades as possible. The material is pretty thin, and I had some problems working with it."
"…"
"Speaking of which, I want to talk to you about something. I just finished a couple of new male pieces, and I want you to give me your honest opinion about them. In fact, I'd like you to model them at a fashion show next weekend. You'd get paid pretty well, probably something like $5000 for two hours of work."
"…?"
"Actually, the show is in California. I'd pay all your travel expenses, so don't worry about that. You'd be back here by Sunday night, so you wouldn't have to take a day off work. For $5000, and your picture all over the alternative fashion press, it would definitely be worth it. Besides, I'd really, really, really appreciate it."
"…"
"Awesome. Ok, let me get the clothes."
"…"
[Silence]
"Here we go. These pants are cool; they have a million pockets. They should also be pretty comfortable, even in the heat. They have a vent here at the knee to allow the air to circulate. Go ahead and try on this shirt, I want to make sure it isn't too tight."
"…"
"Good. Now, put on this jacket. Perfect. If you don't mind, pick up a pair of black, steel-toed boots sometime before next weekend. Also, we'll need to dye your hair. I don't know if you want to do that now, since you have to work next week."
"…"
"Ok, we'll go ahead and do it then. Just so you know, it's going to be a pretty extreme shade of red."
"…!"
"I think red is one of the better punk colors for men. I like violet and dark purple, but I think they look better on girls. Don't worry, you'll look great!"
"…?"
"Let's go get some dinner after I finish your hair. Then I've got some work to do, so I'll have to take off. Come by here next Friday night, and I'll take care of everything else. Go ahead and pack, and bring your stuff with you."
"…"
"Thanks. I like these earrings too."
"…"
"I agree. If you do well, I may ask you to be in more of my shows. They're always on the weekend, so they wouldn't interfere with your work. Anyway, let me change into something that I can get dirty. Go ahead and make yourself at home in the bathroom over there. Take off your shirt so it doesn't get stained."
"…"

* * * * * * * *

"I'm having some second thoughts about this. I mean, I kind of like him. He's cute and all that…but on another level, it just feels right. I don't expect you to understand. Obviously, there are thousands of dollars riding on this. Maybe we could get someone else though?"
"…!"
"Yeah, I know. I'm not flaking, I just thought that, um, maybe there was a possibility we could get around using him somehow. I guess there isn't really time for me to establish a relationship with someone else. It took me a month to get to this point with Tony, and I doubt I could establish that kind of trust with somebody in a week."
"…"
"Well, in that case I just don't want him to find out. That's possible, right?"
"…"
"Obviously, if the police show up he's going to find out. Otherwise, though, I don't want any shit to happen to him. Leave him alone after this. I'll find someone else who I don't care about."
"…!"
"No, I won't. I don't just hook up with whatever guy comes along. Contrary to popular belief, I do have some standards."
"…"
"No, I am not a dependent person. I may be a bad person, and I may be extremely manipulative. But I am not dependent, beyond the fact that I like to have somebody around to manipulate."
"…?"
"I do enjoy it. Or, at least I have in the past. I don't think I should manipulate somebody I'm in love with. I usually manipulate people I don't care about. I do have some sense of decency."
"…"
"I can't really tell you why. It might be a random thing, but I don't think so. We get along, and he understands me. At least, he understands the lie I've created. Shit."
"…"
"I think it would still work. It's impossible to totally disguise myself from him. I hope what he loves extends beyond the superficial level. I've lied to him about pretty much everything, but it's just meaningless chatter. Anyway, I hope it won't matter."
"…!"
"That's true. I suppose he has to find out at some point. I can't pose as a fashion designer forever. Once he figures out I lied to him about that, it's inevitable he'll find out about everything. Or at least, he'll find out about something. Maybe I'll lie to him again, but I'll make it a supportable lie. One that I can actually maintain over time."
"…"

* * * * * * * *

"I definitely thought it was an interesting place. Sort of like an Irish pub crossed with a gothic cathedral. The ambiance was a little bit gloomy, but not necessarily in an oppressive way. I liked the fact that it wasn't too frenetic. Usually when I see a fashion show on TV, it seems like nothing ever stays the same. The cameraman is always running around, trying to capture the models from different angles. The reporters are snapping pictures, and the model is trying to let everyone have a good view. Basically a kaleidoscope of perpetual motion and sound."
"…"
"I don't know. There were several other differences. For example, most of the people there didn't actually seem too interested in the models. I'm sure you noticed there were a lot of people clustered in the back, just kind of standing around in the shadows."
"...?"
"Yeah. If you pay attention to someone's body language, you can almost tell what they're talking about. You can at least tell what their underlying intent is, especially if it's sex. Flirting involves all kinds of stylized behaviors. I think a lot of them are simple, unconscious things. Brushing your hair out of your face, for example."
"...?"
"Don't get me wrong. There was definitely a lot happening at once. I'm sure you have a much better idea of how these shows work than I do. How long did you say you've been doing this?"
"…"
"Wow. Yeah, I definitely enjoyed myself. In a way, it's almost like dancing. You're showing off, and at the same time trying not to look like an idiot."
"...?"
"I could see myself doing it again. Who knows? I might be destined to work in the fashion industry. I'm pretty much tired of the whole payroll thing. Being a model is more connected to my interests, at least artistically. I'm sure I'd eventually want to design my own clothes, which could be really fun too."
"..."
"I'm not really sure what I think about fate. There could be a scientific explanation for it. Maybe the events of the universe have lined up just so, and as a result I'm going to start modeling clothing professionally. Maybe not."
"...?"
"I don't think so. Most people don't like to think their lives can be explained by a mathematical equation. It would be a really fucking complex equation, but that still doesn't matter. Math and science can explain a lot of things, except possibly beauty."
"...!"
"Hey, I didn't say I necessarily believe that. Proportions and symmetry in art are never perfect. Often times, I think the imperfections actually introduce beauty."
"...!"
"Yeah, we definitely got sidetracked. I hate philosophical discussions at 3AM too."
"…?"
"I don't remember, but there's something I want to talk about anyway."
"…?"
"Actually, on second thought, now probably isn't the right time. We should probably get some sleep. It's getting late, and our flight leaves at noon. I hate being tired all day."
"…"

* * * * * * * *

"I understand that she loves me, but I can't get past what she did."
"…?"
"First she lied to me. Then she used those lies to manipulate me. Did you hear about what happened?"
"…"
"I went to California last month to model some of 'her' clothes in a fashion show. She paid me $5000 plus travel expenses, and I had a good time. I got my picture plastered across the covers of several magazines. I even got an offer from someone else to model some clothes. It's not hard work, and it seems to pay pretty well. Plus you get lots of publicity. I'm not used to that, but I still enjoyed it."
"…?"
"First of all, she didn't even design the clothes herself. She's not even a fashion designer. She took me to an apartment that wasn't hers, and constructed a total lie around herself."
"…"
"She told me all this afterwards. She apparently enjoys manipulating people, but just happened to fall in love with me. That created a problem, because her conscience started screaming at her. She wanted to be with me, but realized that could probably never happen. Maybe if she had never manipulated me in the beginning. I really did like her, or at least I think I did. I'm not sure how much I like the real Amber, since I guess I really don't know her."
"…?"
"The whole thing was some kind of a front. They used the fashion show to cover up what was really going on. She didn't tell me exactly what, but it probably had something to do with drugs. Cocaine maybe? What's fashionable in Hollywood these days? Opium? Anyway, she used me to smuggle something past airport security. It was sewn into the pants I wore, but I didn't notice because they were really baggy. Whatever it was, I expect it was worth a lot of money."
"…"
"Yeah, maybe. Afterwards we fucked, and she removed whatever it was from the clothing sometime during the night. At least we didn't get caught. I could have gotten put away for years, depending on what I actually had on me. Anything would stink, since I'm sure it would go on my criminal record. I don't need that shit."
"…"
"Probably. Hey, don't tell anyone about this. If word got out, she could get into some serious trouble. I'm really upset about what she did, but I don't want to destroy her life."
"…"

* * * * * * * *

"How're you doing?"
"…"
"You should feel bad. You're in the process of eating that guy alive. You manipulated me back when we were together, but at least you didn't lie to me. You can't base an entire relationship on lies, and then expect it to last."
"…!"
"Yeah, I know. I was responsible for some trafficking too, but I always did it myself. Then again, it was never across more than two states, and I was extremely careful. At least I knew what I had on me, and I was aware of the possible consequences. What you're doing is totally wrong. It's going to fuck him, and it's going to fuck your chances of being with him."
"…"
"No Amber, I won't do that. There's nothing that could possibly justify it. I may have done some bad things in my lifetime, but nothing quite that evil."
"…"
"There's another solution. It's too late to keep him from going to California, but you can tell him everything after the job is finished. He'll probably spurn you, but that's bound to happen anyway. Maybe if you come clean there's a chance he'll eventually forgive you. Anyway, I don't want you to kill yourself over this. You look pretty stressed. How long has it been since you slept?"
"…"
"That's not good. Insomnia will drive you insane after awhile.
"…"
"I'll tell you what. Promise me two things, and I'll go find you some new asshole to fuck over. I'll find you someone worthy of being manipulated. In fact, I'll even talk to Tony on your behalf."
"…?"
"First, you have to tell Tony everything. You can wait until after you get back from California. Second, promise me you'll turn in your resignation to James. This stuff is dangerous, and eventually you'll get burned. I don't want to see that happen."
"…"
[Silence]

* * * * * * * *

I would have people of such constancy put to sea, that their business might be every thing and their intent every where; for that's it that always makes a good voyage of nothing. Farewell.