By Joshua Arnold

Disclaimer: Be advised that this story contains adult situations and content. Please do not read it if you are easily (or even not-so-easily) offended by mature situations.

     It has been evening for twelve hours. I've been wandering around the stage all night, rehearsing my lines. We're in the middle of New York, but it's quiet here. Of course there are pockets of activity, but nothing ever lasts. This theatre is old, and we were able to rent it for cheap. We're doing a fetish film, and wanted something gothic and dark.

     Michael has posted fliers all over town. I'm in the foreground, along with Bambi. She's wearing a bikini and a spotted fur coat. Join acclaimed director Michael Zarchovsky on a journey into a world of sin. In this universe, there is no light. In this universe, there is no escape. It's about sex. Only Zarchovsky could imagine this place. Violence, dreams, depraved fetishists, and Disney characters--as you've never seen them before.

     There is a cheap statue in front of me. Part of its forehead is missing. The statue's hair is the best part. A strand comes over each shoulder and reaches down to the floor. One strand is blue, and the other is black. Its eyes are a dark shade of purple, and the eyebrows are orange. Spray paint.

     There is an edge of tension around the corners, but nothing significant. Bambi is coming, and then we can start. We haven't had much time to rehearse together. I hear her footsteps in the hall.

     "Hey Adam."
     "Hey. Let's get started, it's almost six."
     "Ok, let me change. I brought body paint, but I'm not going to use it. Not enough time."
     "I'll use my imagination." I look at the statue again. Her lips are blue, and I didn't notice that before.

* * * * * * * *

     There are three things on the stage: a large tree, a thick blanket, and a specialty dildo. Dreams in the forest are dark. In the midst of the trees, Bambi is crying. A bear has just eaten her mother. Somewhere in the darkness, a stag is watching. Light and sound are absent from this place. The air is heavy, and the camera should be held close to the ground.

     "What's wrong, my child?"

     Bambi continues to cry, and I pause for a few seconds. There are no words here, but only emotion. There are no answers, but only patterns of light. Fragments.

     "Let me help you. I have the power to make it better, but only for one night. Wish upon a star, and I will grant you that wish."

     "You can't make it better."

     I strip down to my underwear. I've done this a thousand times, and the formula is the same every time. By now it's instinctive. First we have oral sex. That lasts anywhere from five to ten minutes, depending on what the director wants. Then we start having vaginal intercourse, and go from there. The hard part is making it hot. In order to be a real porn star, you've got to rehearse. Sometimes the magic is there, and sometimes it's not. The trick is figuring it out beforehand. If it's not there, then you'd better figure out some way to compensate.

     "Do you know if Mike wants an anal?"

     "Don't think so. I just did one last week anyway."

     "Who with?"

     "Nicole Nasty. We had this gigantic rubber dildo. I like to mix it up. Use your imagination, Mr. Stag. We've done this before, so I know it'll be nice. Beaut-i-ful."

     "Let's get started. Did you hear Tom wanted this part?"

     "He's better as Grumpy. Snow White's more his…style."

* * * * * * * *

     It's 8AM, and we're at Yanni's hunting cabin. Actually it belongs to her father, but he's letting us use it. A porch surrounds the entire cabin, and it has steps that extend down to a little dock. There used to be a lake here, but the river can't support it anymore. The dry lakebed is cluttered with a mixture of garbage, driftwood, and cracked pieces of bone-white earth.

     Yanni stretches her legs over the edge of the dock. Even though it's early, I can feel the heat. It's not actually hot yet, but I can smell it. Hot days in the mountains have a very particular scent; it's a mixture of flowers, grass, dry leaves, and something I don't recognize.

     "So tell me about your job. You never talk about it."

     "Because it's not important. It's a way to pay the bills. I'm saving up for school, maybe at CUNY. Then I'm gone."

     "Where would you go?"

     "Maybe Chicago. I have friends who live there."

     "Why leave? Don't you like it?"

     "I'm ready for a change. All my friends have moved away, but I'm stuck here." I met Yanni at a bar two months ago, and she invited me up here for the weekend. I have to be back on Tuesday to shoot a scene, but this is a nice mini-vacation. I get tired of the people, the noise, the cars.

     "Tell me about your job anyway. I can't help it Adam, I'm curious."

     "I work in a convenience store on 92nd street. You probably think I'm lazy, but it's not true. I need the money."

     "I don't. I'm only at NYU because of my grandpa. I'm lucky."

     We sit there for a few minutes, not saying anything. This scene should be filmed with great care. The camera should pan across the dry lakebed, and then come to rest on Yanni's face. There is a slight breeze, and strands of her hair blow into Adam's face. He doesn't seem to notice.

     "Let's walk across the lake. How far is the opposite shore?"

     "Three miles, and it'll get hot."

     "I don't care. Maybe we'll find something interesting." I kiss her, and our tongues wrap and un-wrap. She laughs, and goes back into the cabin to get her shoes.

* * * * * * * *

     It's weird fucking in a theatre. In the past, all my scenes have been shot in a studio. This place is huge, and it's kind of humbling. Distracting even.

     "Oh my god, right there!"

     "My…child, I…have granted you…your…wishes. How does…it feel?"

     "Right there!"

     I look at the statue. Her blue lips capture my attention, and I stare at her eyebrows. I think about sticking my cock in her mouth, and wonder what it would feel like. I think I wouldn't mind the pain, the chafing.

     "Fuck me harder!"

     This is my first time fucking a deer. I try to concentrate on the fucking. That doesn't work, so I think about money instead. Money means school means leaving, which is definitely sexy. The camera focuses on the form, on the style, on the act. Concentrate on the fucking.

     "Deeper, baby…oh yes…"

     The stag's horns offer some interesting possibilities for this scene. In the place of horns, a brown dildo should be used. It should be designed to attach to the top of the stag's head. The stag needs to spend at least two minutes pleasuring Bambi with his ‘horn'. NOTE: This will take practice.

     Our scene is sandwiched between Snow White and Alice in Wonderland, but it's really the climax of the film. Tom was upset he didn't get this part, but he can fuck off. He's nasty anyway, kind of like Ron Jeremy without his charm. I couldn't imagine fucking him, and I doubt Bambi could either.

     "That feels good…uhhh…like that…yes…"

     After pleasuring Bambi with his ‘horn', the stag should initiate Missionary Position #8 (Tantric Essences). In order to achieve this position, Bambi should lie on her back. The stag kneels (sitting on his ankles) close to her buttocks. From there, he hoists both her legs onto one of his shoulders. A little bit of guidance from Bambi, and a deliciously unique position will be achieved.

     "Hold on a sec. I've never done Position Eight before."

     "Take your time, hon. It's similar to Position Four. You did that one last week, remember?"

     "Yeah, in Real New York."

     "In Number Eight, both legs go over one shoulder."

* * * * * * * *

     Three hours later, Yanni and I reach the opposite shore. We've found a prosthetic leg, part of a fish skeleton, and a marble. A large cliff prevents us from climbing out of the lakebed, so we start heading back. It's getting hot, and we're both drenched in sweat.

     Another hour passes, and we're totally lost. There is a shore to our right, a shore to our left, and both are at least a mile away. Then it happens: I see something out of the corner of my eye. It isn't very large, but it glints in the sunlight as though it were made of glass.

     "What the hell is that?"

     "I don't know, but it could be interesting. Let's check it out."

     The object turns out to be an animal collar. It's made of leather, and doesn't look very old. It has a shiny nametag attached to it, which is what I saw glinting. Across the nametag is etched the word, Coventina. Also attached to the collar is a message tube, and inside that is a tiny piece of paper. This cat is my friend. My Dad hates her, so I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to get rid of her. She's the only constant factor in my life. If found, please contact Annette at 235-6745. Next to the collar is a small femur bone.

     Yanni starts to cry. I put my arms around her, and she sobs into my chest for a few minutes. "We should probably call Annette."

     "Of course we should call her. And beat up her Dad. I hate shit like this." Yanni is furious, and that turns me on. She looks beautiful standing there, sweaty and crying. She's wearing an old t-shirt and a pair of jogging shorts. I can see the outline of her nipples through the wet shirt, and I start to get an erection. I'm somewhat ashamed, but there's nothing I can do. I reach under her shirt and start to massage her breasts.

     "What the fuck?"

     I put a finger over her lips, and shake my head. Then I reach a hand up under her shorts. She's still crying, but I can tell she doesn't mind. Doesn't mind or doesn't care. She starts to moan, and my cock gets harder.

     Fucking on the lake bottom isn't very comfortable. We lay our clothes across the dirt, but it doesn't matter. The sex is rough, and the lake bottom is scalding hot. Yanni bangs her head against a rock. I stop to make sure she isn't bleeding, and then keep going.

* * * * * * * *

     We've been shooting all day, and just finished the third Bambi scene. It took several times to get Position Eight correct, but we pulled it off.

     "Adam, that was superb. Did you two rehearse?"

     "This morning."

     "I'm impressed. I'm off to lunch, and when I get back we'll talk about your contract." Mike walks out, and I glance at Bambi. She smiles, then crosses her eyes and sticks her tongue out.

     "Watch out honey, here comes Tom."

     I can see he's with a girl, but it's not Snow White. She's got black hair, and I hear traces of a Greco-Australian accent. That's all it takes. I want to hide, but I know it's already too late.

     "Hey, Adam. How's it hanging?" Tom is wearing his Grumpy outfit, and it makes him look shorter than usual. The costume includes a pair of tight-fitting vinyl pants, and an oversized hat that hides most of his face.

     "Very funny. Where's Snow White?"

     "She's probably off fucking Alice." He winks at me.

     I know I've hurt Yanni. It doesn't matter that I'm a porn star. I know I've fucked it up, and there's no saving myself. Anyone who's worked in the porn industry knows the feeling. When someone asks about your job, you always lie. Everyone around here understands it. We even joke about it. Yes, baby, I'm a nuclear physicist. I drive a Mercedes, but I left it at home. I make $200,000 per year. Would you like to get some dinner at McDonalds?

     "Tom saw me in the subway, and he told me about your real job. Adam."

     I glare at Tom. One way or the other, he'll end up dead. I imagine chopping his body into tiny pieces, and tossing them off the Brooklyn Bridge.

     "What can I say? I saw you two in Central Park, so I figured you were together. When I saw her on the subway, I went over to say hello. We struck up a conversation…and what can I say. I thought she knew. I'm really sorry, man."

     "You fucking asshole." There are no words here, but only emotion. There isn't anything meaningful to say.

     "Yanni, I'm sorry. I like you, and I didn't want to tell you. Please forgive me. I need the money for school. Working at a convenience store, I'd be here forever." She looks at me, and I can't tell what she's thinking. Then she starts to cry. Tom puts his arm around her, and they walk out the door.